A Journey of Struggle and Resilience
My name is Tom Alvarez and I have struggled with my mental health. Like a lot of us our upbringing was not the best and I had to grow up real fast and I had to learn how to take care of my self at before I was even 10 years old. I am of a generation where we did not talk about our feelings. I was always told that you are a man and a man is supposed to be strong for his family and showing emotions was a sign of weakness. We are supposed to carry the burden of others so they dont have to worry about a thing. Thankfully because of this I have learned to what not to do . Now as an adult I have learned to navigate through those dark times and how to cope with those bad days.
For some time now I have struggled with really dark thoughts. The kind of thoughts that I had to call someone at that moment for help. When I am in that dark place nothing else matters and the only thing I can think of is getting rid of these feelings. In those days the thoughts get the best of me and I end down the rabbit hole. I call it the rabbit whole because it is a place of darkness and a place where hope does not exists. Kinda like the scene from Alice in wonderland when she falls down the rabbit hole. Sometimes I end up so far in, that it could take me weeks to get over it. Thankfully those moments don’t come all that often especially with the amount of work that I have done. In this article I am going to explain to you to the best of my ability what I go through , the warning signs and what I have done to get my self out of it. If for some wonderful reason you do not struggle with these thoughts but know someone that does I will help you better understand what goes through their minds.
Everything that you are about to read comes from personal experience. I have read a lot on the subject and spent many hours in therapy as well as speaking to coaches. This is a subject that I take very seriously and I am very passionate about.
The Symptoms
I will be taking to you about anxiety and depression. First lets talk about depression and what are some of the symptoms to look for.
Although depression may not occur all that often, people typically have multiple episodes. During these episodes, symptoms occur most of the day, nearly every day and may include:
Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small things
Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as hobbies or sports
Sleep disturbances, such as sleeping too much or not at all
Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
Reduced appetite or increased cravings for food and weight gain
Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
Often wanting to stay at home, rather than going out to socialize or doing new things
Depression isn't a weakness and you can't simply "snap out" of it. Depression may require long-term treatment. But don't get discouraged. Most people with depression feel better with medication, psychotherapy or both.
Now lets talk about depression’s ugly relative anxiety . People with anxiety disorders frequently have intense, excessive and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations. Often, anxiety disorders involve repeated episodes of sudden feelings of intense anxiety and fear or terror that reach a peak within minutes (panic attacks).
Here are some of the symptoms that I have experienced through out my life.
Feeling nervous, restless or tense
Having an increased heart rate
Breathing rapidly (hyperventilation)
Sweating
Trembling
Feeling weak or tired
Trouble concentrating or thinking about anything other than the present worry
Having trouble sleeping
Experiencing gastrointestinal (GI) problems
Having difficulty controlling worry
Having the urge to avoid things that trigger anxiety
Difficulty with completing personal projects.
If you are interested in reading more about the symptoms please check out Anxiety Disorders and Depression both are from the Mayo Clinic.
Its not just the mind
One of the things that people seem to always forget is that anxiety and depression not only affects the mind but it also affects the body. When you are in this state of mind your body is under stress. Knowing some of the common stress symptoms can help you manage them. Stress that's not dealt with can lead to many health problems, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, obesity and diabetes.
| On your body | On your mood | On your behavior |
|---|---|---|
| Headache | Anxiety | Overeating or undereating |
| Muscle tension or pain | Restlessness | Angry outbursts |
| Chest pain | Lack of motivation or focus | Drug or alcohol misuse |
| Fatigue | Memory problems | Tobacco use (I used to smoke a lot when stressed) |
| Stomach upset | Grumpiness or anger | Exercising less often |
| Sleep problems | Sadness or depression | Getting sick easier due to a weaker immune system |
Ways to manage
Thankfully there are ways to manage anxiety and depression. Here are some ways that have helped me manage those symptoms:
1. H.A.L.T.
This acronym is by far one of the most popular ones that I have noticed and it is key when dealing with our thoughts.
Hunger - Make sure that if you are hungry you eat a healthy snack and watch your mood change.
Anger - If you are feeling angry take a walk outside. If you cannot walk outside just get your body moving.You may also practice box breathing
Lonely - If you are feeling lonely in that moment call a loved one. DO NOT text them or chat over the computer. Actually calling a person and hearing their voice can do wonders to your mental health/li>
Tired - If you are tired take a little power nap but make sure to rest
2. Proper Diet
Although here in the US this is not one thing that is as easy to do so following the proper diet can be a challenge. Anxiety and depression don't always start with the mind, they start in your GUT. When we do not eat the proper foods it causes inflammation in our bodies. Following a proper nutrition regiment is key to having a healthy mind.
Here is a good excerpt from the Harvard medical School
3. Get Active
In today’s world most of us spend our days in a sedentary position. Having a regular exercise routine for at least 2 days per week can significantly reduced overall stress.
Regular exercise has been shown to improve symptoms of common mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression.
If you’re currently inactive, start with gentle activities such as walking or biking. Choosing an activity that you enjoy may help increase your chances of sticking to it in the long term.
“Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that helps regulate sleep and appetite, mediate moods, and inhibit pain. Since about 95% of your serotonin is produced in your gastrointestinal tract, and your gastrointestinal tract is lined with a hundred million nerve cells, or neurons, it makes sense that the inner workings of your digestive system don’t just help you digest food, but also guide your emotions. What’s more, the function of these neurons — and the production of neurotransmitters like serotonin — is highly influenced by the billions of “good” bacteria that make up your intestinal microbiome. These bacteria play an essential role in your health. They protect the lining of your intestines and ensure they provide a strong barrier against toxins and “bad” bacteria; they limit inflammation; they improve how well you absorb nutrients from your food; and they activate neural pathways that travel directly between the gut and the brain.”
4. Practice Self Care
Setting time aside to practice self care is important. I know that when we are in that dark place self care is the last thing that we want to do but like the other things it is imperative that you do this. Here are some examples
going for a walk outside preferably a place with a lot of trees.
taking an epsom salts bath can help reduce some of the muscle tension that you may feel.
exercising
preparing a healthy meal
stretching before bed or when waking up
practicing a hobby . For me getting creative is one of my favorite things to do.
practicing yoga. Nothing beats that feeling of a good stretch on the body
Meditation is a great tool for helping you manage your thoughts.
5. Journaling
Journaling may help you by releasing your thoughts and emotions on a piece of paper. I have personally found it to a good way to analyze my problems.
6. Reduce Caffeine intake
Yes, I know that I just lost quite a few of you with this one. Take it from me I have been drinking coffee all my life and this one was a difficult one for me. Caffeine stimulates your central nervous system.
Consuming too much may increase your anxiety and it may also harm your sleep. Yes, I am aware that some people have a higher threshold for how much caffeine they can tolerate . But for those that have a low tolerance for it the jittering feeling that you get from caffeine is the same feeling that you get when you are anxious. The body does not know the difference so please limit your caffeine intake.
If you cannot do without your first cup of coffee in the morning just stick to one cup. I personally have one cup of regular coffee each day and then I drink some chamomile tea to counter act the effects.
7. Spend time with loved ones
Social support from loved ones may help you get through the dark times.
Having a support system is important for your overall mental health. If you dont have the type of support that you need it may be beneficial for you to find group of like minded individuals that will help you along this journey.
8. Learn to say no
Not all stressors are within your control. Taking on too many responsibilities can increase your stress load and limit the amount of time you can spend on self care.
One way to help reduce stress and protect your mental health may be to say “no” more often. This is especially true if you take on more than you can handle because juggling many responsibilities may leave you feeling overwhelmed.
9. Dont Procrastinate
This article that you are reading right now was just a thought that I had until I decided to just write it and it has helped me cope with struggles that I am currently going through. Stay on top of your priorities and avoid procrastinating when you aren’t feeling stressed. So if I can do it so can you. I believe in you .
10. Spend time in nature
I don't know about you but for me spending time at the beach and just listing to the ocean waves is by far one of my favorite things to do.
If you dont live in a place where there is a beach near by find your nearest park and forest and immerse yourself in nature.Some people don’t enjoy — or have access to — these activities. Even in an urban area, you can seek out green spaces such as local parks, arboretums, and botanical gardens.
Spending as little as 10 minutes in a natural setting may help improve psychological and physiological markers of mental well-being.
These are just some of the things that I have done to help me cope with things. This is not a one size fits all kind of solution but it has been proven to work for many.
To our loved ones
Now that I have discussed most of things that I have done and gone through them I want to explain to our loved ones what to do when they notice someone going through this.Here are a few things that could be useful:
1. Just Listen
Depression can be an isolating experience for some. One of the best things you can do is to let someone know they’re not alone and be open to what they want to share.
It doesn’t have to be complicated, either. Simply listen to what they’re going through. Do not try to fix their problems, give unsolicited advice, or judge their feelings. It’s not something they can just “get over” or “snap out of.” If they could, they would’ve done it already.
2. Help them find support
Going through depression is though and an overwhelming experience. There are doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, helplines, forums, and so much more. Sometimes it’s easier to just close the laptop and push it off for another day.
You can help ease the burden by offering to look up support. Here are some helpful websites:
American Psychological Association search tool to find a psychologist by zip code
American Psychiatric Association search tool to find a psychiatrist by zip code
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA)’s Behavioral Health Treatment Services Locator
If they might consider online therapy, you could look into helping them find a therapist that could help them.
Remember to approach this with love and care .
3. Help them with tasks
Helping them with daily tasks like cleaning up the kitchen , may potentially drain them of their emotional bandwidth. For this reason, offering to help with something seemingly small can make a huge difference in someone’s day.
4. Stay In touch
One symptom that’s common with depression is a reduced ability to get things done, which means things like text messages, e-mails, or social invitations can pile up.
On top of that, depression can cause people to feel guilt or shame about not being able to “get it together.” These feelings could make someone less likely to reach out to you for help.
Asking them how they are doing is a tricky one. When you ask a person that has been going through these dark times, that question you are -unintentionally- reminding them about the problem. Make sure to gauge their response and see how they are feeling.
For now, be the one to extend an invitation or two; it will come back around eventually. Let your loved one know that you’re thinking of them and would love to spend time together, if and when they feel up for it.
5. We are all different
Always remember what has worked for you does not mean that it will work for them. We are all different and when we are in that state of mind the only thing that we want is to get rid of the pain.
Conclusion
Sharing the depths of my mental health struggles has been a profoundly personal journey. It’s my hope that by shedding light on the darkness, I can offer a lifeline to others who may feel lost in their own battles. Remember, you are not alone.
Anxiety and depression are formidable opponents, but they do not define us. By understanding the symptoms, both physical and mental, we can begin to build a toolkit for resilience. The path to healing is unique for everyone, but the strategies I've outlined – from diet and exercise to seeking support – have been invaluable in my own journey.
To those struggling, know that there is hope. To those supporting loved ones, your compassion and understanding are essential. Let us foster a world where mental health is openly discussed, where help is readily available, and where recovery is celebrated. Together, we can transform the landscape of mental well-being.
Sometimes it may take time to recover but recovering is just one option away. Celebrate your recovery and always remember that “what you focus on persists” so rather than focusing on the problem focus on the solution.
Acknowledgements
To my loved ones:
Your unwavering support, understanding, and patience have been my anchor through the stormy seas of my mental health journey. You have listened without judgment, offered your shoulders to lean on, and provided a safe space for me to heal. Your love has been a beacon of light in my darkest moments, and I am eternally grateful for each of you. This article is dedicated to you, for your endless compassion and belief in my strength. Thank you for standing by me, for your kindness, and for reminding me that I am never alone. Your presence in my life has made all the difference.
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